This post will be sad, sad, maybe depressed. Notice all those who are about to read, you can not go today if you want to cheer, as is the birthday of Italy!
Nobody knows why today is holiday in Italy, nobody gives a shit, here today is another day, but at least it's sunny after rain and frost yesterday. And I think what I like to spend this day with my husband today that will work for nine long hours, from 7 to 16, without even a moment's pause. Ah yes, because even if you do not even have a minute's pause is something totally illegal, no one among his colleagues protest, there is no trade union that the rebels, no one cares nothing. Nobody cares that my husband even after breakfast at 5 o'clock in the morning and a half, will not touch food until 5 pm, when they finally return home. No one moves a finger to change things, all passively accept the worst conditions that a job can offer, because life today is so, why not work if they are and when you one, although not perfect, I'll hold tight. Especially if you have family.
Yesterday we finally went to see the nursery near our house that we were weeks that I postponed once because I did not want to leave, another because we had something more important to do, then why pretend to forget. But yesterday I realized why it was stalled for a month. Because in reality I was not ready, not ready. For what, you say. To face reality. In recent months I felt wonderful to be suspended on a cloud, pregnancy is a wonderful time, the ultrasound, the first movements of the baby, you turn all the attention, feeling different, magical, why bring a life within you. But I knew that sooner or later the time would come to terms with life really that hard, that hard, that's out of my little fairy world.
My husband always says jokingly: we are the poorest of the family, those who arrive later this month to the hair. Then we'll laugh about it, let alone if we are poor. After all we pay all the bills, right? After all we pay the rent regularly, right? Can we eat every day, right? So we are not poor. But then when I think about a moment, I realize that in fact certain that we are poor. We are poor because once you pay all the costs, does not advance almost anything, because we are poor to go to the movies a weekend, we have to face and see how many days are left to the next paycheck, not to take the risk that those that pass by between € 20 tickets and popcorn can also serve some other primary need, because we are poor we can not afford to buy absolutely nothing of what we want, and do not talk about clothes or a computer from € 3 thousand, no, I'm talking about a simple pair of jeans that cost 30 € in a normal store. We are poor because we travel so much, but we can not. I do not find that right only for being able to provide our basic needs, then we must be satisfied and think that deep down we are better off than many families. No, we put well, not really. Because life is not just rent and utility bills, but also evening outings, dinners out, movies, travel, entertainment. And if you miss this, miss a lot.
The nest I really liked, I made a good impression, to Victor a little 'less, if it were not for him, sent him to any nursery, and even if it was for me. When we left, however, do not know why, but I collapsed. Victor looked at me, I noticed that he too had tears in his eyes, told me: My God, I imagined there, alone, at 5 months, e. .. I do not know ... I do not succeed I do. Has not even finished speaking when I was already sobbing in the street like a poor mad hysterical so we all looked. Then we stopped a moment and we hugged, it really seemed that someone had died. I do not know how to explain it, but I can not do to think about having to leave just five months there, all day. My problem is not the fact of leaving, but the fact of having to leave ALL DAY. Because even if you accept my proposal and I reduce the time, instead of making me out to the 15 to 17, will arrive home at 16. And Charles will be the nest by 7:30 am.
My work is important, without my salary could not just live, I know I would not be a bad mother if you send my son to the nest, the whole day. I do not feel guilty, I I just feel sad.
And I think when a child is not never saw my parents, I was always or neighbors, or grandparents, or a baby-sitter. And I think how I missed them, even though I was well with others, always wanted my parents, especially my mother. And I think the fact that today, when I remember my childhood, my parents are not anywhere, all the best moments are related to my grandmother, with whom I spent almost every year as a child. And I'm happy about that because I was good, but I remember very well the feeling of neglect and slight sadness I felt when my mom came into the car and went to work. And I think when I said I will be different, I want to be with my kids, naive, early twenties, still a university student. And I think instead I did not understand anything. And only now I understand how difficult it is to have a child in today's society, or at least, it is difficult if you are not rich. Only now I understand the words of my mother saying to me, when you visit for the first time un'asilo nest, tell me what you think. Only now I realize that I spoke too soon when I said, Charles will go to the nest at 5 months because we need two salaries and then so I'm sure you'll be fine in the nursery. And I said sure, smiling and serene. But now I would pay gold because he could take care of my mother, my mother-in-law, but he lives 40 minutes away by road from home ours, and has a husband, a house, his life to think about, and to which I would not dream of asking a demanding greater.
I told you that this post was sad and depressing, so if you're bored, it's not my fault:)
Today is a bit 'well, we will evaluate the well to do, I try to distract me but every time I think of Charles I to the nest is on the tears. How difficult it is to be a mom.
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